It’s 9pm. Mum didn’t pick up. Your stomach drops.

You’re not overreacting — you love her. Ringing again and again, then lying awake, is exhausting, and there’s a calmer way through it. Below: when to get help straight away, a 10-minute plan for tonight, and what helps with the worry and the time it takes. Free, all on this page. No email, no sign-up.

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1. Worried about Mum tonight? Start here.

Call 000 now and ask for an ambulance (or police) if:

you believe she is hurt, has had a fall and may be injured, is seriously unwell, or is in immediate danger;
she is suddenly confused, drowsy, can’t make sense, or is “not herself” in a way that’s new — sudden confusion can be a sign of a serious medical problem such as delirium, an infection or a stroke, and healthdirect advises calling 000. Don’t wait until tomorrow;
you can’t reach her, nobody can confirm she’s safe, and something makes danger likely (see “If nobody answers” below).

A known fall risk or health condition on its own doesn’t make tonight an emergency. It’s the signs that matter — a suspected injury, serious illness, sudden confusion or immediate danger.

Not sure if it’s urgent? Call healthdirect on 1800 022 222 (24/7, registered nurses; NURSE-ON-CALL in Victoria). If you’re unsure and worried she may be in danger, call 000 — that’s what it’s for.

Everything else on this page is for the more common night — the “she’s probably fine, but I can’t settle” night.

2. Your 10-minute plan for tonight

Minutes 0–2: Pause and check the obvious.

Is there an everyday reason? TV loud, phone charging in another room, already asleep, out at bowls or church, phone on silent.
Check what you already have: a text from earlier today, a “seen” message, a missed call from her, a shared calendar.
Try a different channel once: landline if you rang mobile, or a text — some people read texts but don’t hear the ring.

Minutes 2–5: Call your “nearby person”.

A neighbour, a sibling, a friend from her street — someone who can knock or look for lights on.
Don’t have one yet? That’s a good job for this week (see section 3).
Script: “Hi, it’s [your name], [Mum’s name]’s daughter/son. Sorry to bother you — she’s not answering and it’s probably nothing. Would you mind seeing if her lights are on, or giving the door a knock? I’d really appreciate it.”

Minutes 5–8: When you reach her, keep it warm.

Say: “Hi Mum, just wanted to hear your voice. How was your day?”
Then listen. Is she herself? Same voice, same jokes, knows what she did today?
It’s fine to ask a direct safety question if you need to (“Have you had a fall?” “Are you feeling unwell?”).
If she sounds suddenly confused, drowsy, unwell, or is slurring or not making sense — that’s not a note-it-for-tomorrow moment. Call 000 (see section 1), or get someone to her now.
If she just sounds a bit flat or tired but otherwise herself, that’s worth a gentle follow-up call tomorrow and, if it keeps happening, a chat with her GP.

Minutes 8–10: Once you know she’s OK, write it down.

Two lines in your phone notes: what made you worry tonight, and what the answer was.
Anything still nagging but not urgent (“should she still be driving?”) goes on a “for worry time” list (see section 4).
Over a few weeks you may notice a pattern (“always the night she’s at cards”), which can take some of the panic out of it.

If nobody answers and nobody has confirmed she’s safe

This is different from everyday worry. Don’t write it down and go to bed. Keep going until someone has actually seen or spoken to her:

Try every contact you have: nearby person, siblings, a friend with a key, her building manager or village staff, any service that visits her.
If someone can get there safely, ask them to go — knock, look for lights, mail or papers piled up, and use a key arrangement she’s agreed to.
Call 000 straight away if you suspect injury, serious illness or immediate danger: someone can see her on the floor or hear her calling, the door is open and there’s no answer, she missed something she never misses and you have reason to think she may be hurt or unwell, or anything else makes you believe she may be hurt. A fall risk or health condition on its own isn’t automatically a 000 call — but it’s a good reason to keep going until someone has checked on her, and it raises the urgency if any of these signs are present.
If there’s no sign of immediate danger but you still can’t confirm she’s safe, call the Police Assistance Line on 131 444 and ask police to consider a welfare check. This reports a non-urgent welfare concern for police to assess — it doesn’t guarantee an officer will attend, or when. If things change or you suspect danger, call 000. Have ready her name, address, date of birth, when you last heard from her, her health conditions, and how to get in.

Only when someone has confirmed she’s OK does it go back to being an “ordinary worry” night.

She’s safe but you still can’t settle? Talk to a real person tonight: Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 (24/7) or Lifeline 13 11 14 (24/7). If memory or confusion is part of the longer-term worry, the National Dementia Helpline 1800 100 500 also answers 24/7.

Things that tend to backfire

✗ A string of “why didn’t you…?” questions. “Why didn’t you answer? Did you take your tablets? Did you lock the door?” can leave her feeling watched. Ask what you genuinely need to know for her safety, then keep the rest light.
✗ Threatening the move. “If this keeps happening you can’t live alone” usually starts a fight, not a plan.
✗ Big, non-urgent decisions while you’re frightened or exhausted. Write the big idea down and come back to it when you’re calmer. (Urgent safety decisions are different — act on those.)
✗ Panic-buying gadgets at midnight. Decisions made in a hurry often go in the wrong rooms or without her agreement.
✗ Carrying it alone. Text a sibling: “Rang Mum, all good, she was asleep.” Sharing it often makes it feel lighter.

3. Make next week easier

This week: set up the things that make 9pm calmer

☐ One “nearby person” with a phone number you’ve saved — and ideally a spare key arrangement Mum is happy with.
☐ A daily “all’s well” habit she chooses. A morning text, a thumbs-up emoji, a call at the same time, or a Telecross call. Her idea, not a rule.
☐ An agreed “if I can’t reach you” plan. e.g. “If you don’t answer twice, I’ll ask Sue next door to knock; if Sue can’t check, I’ll call for a welfare check.” Agreed in daylight, it feels like care, not spying.
☐ Her phone sorted. Loud ringtone, big text, your number as a favourite, charger where she actually sits.
☐ An emergency care plan. Carer Gateway has a free template covering contacts, GP, medicines and routines. Fill it in with her, and ask her agreement before sharing it — it contains her personal and medical information. With her OK: a copy on her fridge, one with your nearby person and a sibling, one on your phone.
☐ A sibling roster in a shared calendar, so it isn’t always the same person.
☐ Your own worry-time slot, booked in your calendar like any other appointment.
☐ One call for help that isn’t family: My Aged Care 1800 200 422 (for her) or Carer Gateway 1800 422 737 (for you).

How to raise it with Mum without a fight

Lead with you, not her: “I worry when I can’t reach you — can we work out something that suits you?”
Give her the choices. The person living there decides — and she’s more likely to say yes to the next idea if the last “no” was respected.
Pick a calm moment, not straight after a scare.
Frame help as keeping her independent: “Someone doing the heavy shop means you can keep doing things your way.”

4. Support for you, the carer

You’re far from the only one. In Carers Australia’s 2025 Carer Wellbeing Survey (10,918 responses), 61% of carers reported low wellbeing and 43% felt lonely often or always. In Australian Seniors’ Sandwich Generation Report 2025, Australians over 50 caring for both parents and children reported an average of about 14.5 hours a week of unpaid care for ageing parents. The worry is normal. You shouldn’t have to carry it alone.

Managing the worry

None of this is therapy, and none of it costs money. These are common, practical tactics — use what fits.

Give non-urgent worry a time slot. Pick 10–20 minutes at the same time each day (not right before bed). When a worry pops up at work or at 11pm, jot one line and tell yourself “that’s for worry time.” In the slot, go through the list: act on what you can, cross off what’s no longer a worry. Many people find some of it has gone stale by then. (This is for everyday worry — never for a safety concern that needs action now.)
Swap “is she OK?” for facts. Your two-line notes are the evidence. Read back over a month: many scares have ordinary answers, and a real change is easier to spot so you can raise it with her GP.
Talk to someone who gets it. A trusted friend you can text when it’s bad, a carer support group, or the free Carer Gateway online community forum. Some carers find it easier to be honest with other carers.
Take small breaks on purpose. You probably can’t take two weeks off. A 10-minute cuppa somewhere quiet, a walk or a few songs still counts.
Talk to a counsellor for free. Carer Gateway offers free counselling, coaching and peer support for family carers, including adult kids. It’s designed to help before you reach crisis point.
See your own GP if it doesn’t lift. If you’re anxious, flat or not sleeping most days for weeks, tell your GP. Looking after yourself is part of looking after Mum.

Getting some of your time back

Many adult kids end up doing everything themselves: the calls, the lifts, the shopping, the worrying. These options can take part of that load.

A daily check-in call that isn’t you. Red Cross Telecross is a free morning phone call from a volunteer, 365 days a year. If she doesn’t answer, they follow a pre-agreed process to check she’s OK. She generally needs to be registered with My Aged Care (in Tasmania, a HACC referral also works).
A My Aged Care assessment. Call 1800 200 422 or apply online. The assessment itself is free. Depending on what she’s approved for, government-funded help at home can include meals, transport, shopping, cleaning, gardening, social outings and respite. Under Support at Home, some services involve a personal contribution based on her income and assets, so ask what applies.
Respite before you’re running on empty. Carer Gateway (1800 422 737) can help arrange planned respite, and emergency respite if you suddenly can’t be there — for example if you’re sick — where a suitable local service is available.
Ask for specific help. “Can you do Mum’s Tuesday shop?” is easier to say yes to than “let me know if you need anything.”
One shared family calendar + roster. A free shared calendar or family group chat with appointments, who’s calling which day and who’s doing which lift.
Batch the admin. One list for GP calls, scripts and forms, worked through in one weekly slot.

If you work

Flexible working. Under the National Employment Standards, employees who are carers can request flexible working arrangements if they meet the eligibility rules — generally at least 12 months’ continuous service with the employer (or regular, systematic casual work with an expectation it will continue). Requests must be in writing; the employer must respond in writing within 21 days and can only refuse on reasonable business grounds after discussing it with you. See Fair Work: flexible working arrangements.
Personal/carer’s leave. Full-time employees (not casuals) get 10 days of paid personal/carer’s leave a year, pro rata for part-time. This is one combined balance for your own sickness and for caring for an immediate family or household member — not 10 extra carer days. See Fair Work: sick and carer’s leave.

Free help in Australia (real people)

Emergencies — 000.
healthdirect — 1800 022 222 (24/7) — registered nurses can help you decide what to do (NURSE-ON-CALL in Victoria).
Police Assistance Line — 131 444 — non-emergency. You can report a welfare concern when there’s no immediate danger; police assess it, and attendance isn’t guaranteed.
Carer Gateway — 1800 422 737 (Mon–Fri 8am–5pm local time; emergency respite any time) — free counselling, coaching, peer support and respite for family carers.
My Aged Care — 1800 200 422 (Mon–Fri 8am–8pm, Sat 10am–2pm) — assessments and help at home for Mum or Dad.
National Dementia Helpline (Dementia Australia) — 1800 100 500 (24/7).
Beyond Blue — 1300 22 4636 (24/7).
Lifeline — 13 11 14 (24/7) — crisis support.

Numbers and hours checked 12 October 2026. We’re not affiliated with any of these services.

5. About Astra (optional)

Everything above works without buying anything. Separately, at SkyTalon AI we’re developing Astra by HeartWell: optional home monitoring designed to support everyday independence, with optional home sensing, voice assistance and family reassurance features. Planned help-call capabilities include bedrooms and bathrooms, subject to the resident’s choices and the system’s final capabilities. A microphone on its own doesn’t mean help will arrive, so we’re designing and testing how a call for help is heard, who it goes to, and how failures are reported before we make any promises.

The privacy principles we’re building to:

The person living there decides. If she doesn’t agree, it doesn’t go in — and she can pause or remove it.
No cameras in toilets or bathrooms. Ever. Planned help-call voice in bedrooms and bathrooms is intended to be audio-only, and only where she chooses it.
No bedroom cameras by default.
“The day as usual”, not a live feed. Family reassurance, not a minute-by-minute log.

Read about Astra — only if and when it’s useful.

Important: This guide is general information only — not medical, legal, financial or employment advice. Astra by HeartWell is in development; it is not a medical device, not a monitored emergency-response service, and does not guarantee assistance. It doesn’t replace the people and services above. In an emergency, call 000.